My Story

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2003 to 2006
aged: 3
From: Basildon

Our beautiful baby girl Amazing Grace was born on may 8th 2003 at 6.06am. She looked like a porcelain doll with beautiful red ruby skin and thick dark hair; I took her home that evening to be greeted by my other four children; 3 girls and a little boy. I hoped my son wouldn’t be disappointed as he wanted a little brother so bad, he was not though. Things were great grace was getting a little chubby baby and we started baby massage and I took her to mother and parent classes. Then in December 2003 we were told that our baby girl Grace had cancer of the kidney. I could not sleep at all that night I just sat there staring at her and praying to god. Please please don’t take my precious baby girl. We was sent to great Ormond street hospital where grace under went a biopsy and a load of other tests. 3 days later we were told that Grace had a very rare form of cancer called clear cell sarcoma. She had to have a hickman line fitted; this was so that they could give her chemotherapy. We had this for 6months and then Grace had an operation to remove the tumour. I gave her a big kiss and I told her that I loved her then I walked out of the theatre crying. I was going through so many emotions one minute I thought she was going to die the next I was glad that they was getting the nasty tumour out; then I started to get nasty and I started shouting at graces dad and then just crying. Grace was put into intensive care after the operation. 6 weeks after, grace then had 6weeks of intense radiotherapy. This was to prevent the cancer from coming back. Into December 2004 we had another CT scan and a meeting with Graces professor she told us finally Grace was in remission; that was the most wonderful feeling of all. Then in January 2005 we came crashing down with a big bang! The cancer had returned. My life had gone from a major high to a low. I didn’t know how to feel we had to go into hospital for chemotherapy again. In august grace had to have a stem cell transplant. There were loads of highs and lows over these few months because I could only see my other 4 children every other weekend and I missed them so much. Grace was really sick and it was really scaring me, but finally just before Christmas we were allowed to go home and yet again told that grace was in remission this was the best couple of months. Then grace got shingles in February 2006, we had to go back into our local hospital. Grace started to loose weight. They wanted to send us home but I wouldn’t let them. A month later in March we are still in hospital. Graces dad noticed that she was breathing funny; this went on all day. The doctor said that this could be any number of things but he wasn’t sure. Myself and Grace was sitting watching TV when she went limp I started screaming at the nurses to help me I told them that she had stopped breathing. The doctors told us that Grace had suffered a stroke and that she needed to go to great Ormond Street straight away. When we got to GOSH they told us that grace had a tumour in her brain and that it had haemorrhaged and that she would need to be taken down for an operation straight away. They told us that she might not make it through the operation so we had to make one of the hardest decisions of our life. We only had minutes to say goodbye to our beautiful baby girl not knowing if we were ever going to see her pretty smiling face again and we were led away crying. 8 gruelling long hours later Grace came back from theatre. After an hour of coming back from theatre Grace was grabbing at her introbator tube so the nurses removed it. Grace looked at me and said "I want a cuppa tea and where’s my dummy". That was the best thing in the world ever. 3 weeks after her operation we had a meeting with Graces professor she told us the news that would break our hearts. She told us that grace only had 6 to 8 weeks to live! On top of hearing the devastating news I knew that I had to go and tell my other 4 children. On the 13th September at 21 weeks after we were told our bad news sadly Grace lost her battle. Grace passed away peacefully with everyone around that knew and loved her in the hospital that we were first told about her cancer. Before she slipped away into gods arms I asked her to show me a thunderstorm so I knew that she got there safe and sound and that she was with our uncle Terry. When the doctor confirmed that Grace had gone a bolt of lightning and a clap of thunder hit through the sky. I always said that my baby girl was a very special child with the face of an angel. When the storm begun I knew that she had gone to be in the arms of god and be one of his children.
Goodnight our AMAZING GRACE.
Love Mummy xxxxx

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